Realizing How to be His

I often find myself wondering why I don’t feel as if I’m Apollon’s. I don’t feel particularly Hellenic, or much like an embodiment of the Delphic Maxims. I’m often disappointed at my behavior, especially my love of wasting time and over indulging in sweets. I don’t do many formal rituals, I don’t give many offerings, and I don’t really pray that much. I feel like such a waste.

Which often leads to purification. Tonight was a bath of salt and peppermint, meant to give me yet another “fresh start.” And it actually did, but in a way I didn’t expect.

As I came out, I realized something that should’ve been obvious to me from the beginning.

Being His is a daily choice. It’s a choice I have to make every hour, every minute, every second. It isn’t some big, flashy moment of clarity, or His presence, or a bracelet on my wrist. It’s the choices I make and how I choose to bring Him into this world. It’s whether I choose to bring Him into this world. If I want to be my Lord Apollon’s, and I want to live with Him and in Him every day, I must make that desicion every day.

At first, I panicked thinking that it would be impossible, that I would have to watch myself constantly. And yes, it will require more self-discipline on my part. But in the end, He’s leading me. He leads me through that intution I constantly ignore, the intuition that I know is alignment with Him. If I can just listen to that little voice, His voice, I can be His. It’s only a matter of whether I choose to.

I’m beginning to believe this is how I might follow Him this winter, to His abode far away. And how I might keep Him in my heart and soul, closer than ever.

— Atalanta [Day 3]

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About Columbine

Bride of Apollon, accompanying her Beloved across the wave of existence.

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